1. You have to pack everything you own in the house just in case for the big day.
You have forwarded everyone you are bringing your baby and everyone said they will help. However Auntie Jean is going to be any good to use if you forget to bring your baby girl’s favourite teddy.
Will I need the passports? I better pack them just in case.
2. You have told your darling partner and other family members the plan for the morning of the wedding.
You have made lists after lists, a lot of thought has gone into how the morning must go. Someone must be on baby duty at all times so we will all be ready to GO GO GO. No Dad you don’t have time to watch the news, any other questions?
3. You wake up extra early because you know something is bound to go wrong.
You are awake an hour before your alarm clock… sadly no dreams about winning Love Island are going to make you go back to sleep. You could go do something productive maybe… have a shower, do some tidying or write a blog post? OR scroll through Instagram and tweet that you are up early.
4. You now have extra time because by some miracle your baby has drank their bottle and gone straight back to sleep.
The feed is done. They have fallen asleep straight away and you ahead of schedule. I wonder if my hair would look better in space buns today… let me just Youtube it…
5. CRAP you’re running late and you have to keep reminding yourself the baby would be OK with them as you finish getting ready.
You found yourself in a black hole of Youtube and now you’re going to have to just make do with boring plain hair. Thankfully you have family on hand to keep your baby entertained whilst you try fill in your eyebrows, sadly you can also hear your dad cheering making himself a coffee so you’re not too reassured.
6. You are finally out the door, only to realise the baby is still in a vest and not in the outfit you laid out for them.
It’s OK I didn’t want her to wear that dress I put next to the changing matt anyway… Your partner shrugs and said he wasn’t sure. OK now is not the time to fall out with… wait until he agrees to do the early morning feed
7. You run around grabbing the last few items screaming “Have you got the…” whilst wondering if a biscuit will suffice as breakfast
Despite the lists you are still a headless chicken. You have Gary the Giraffe in one hand, your phone in the other and making a mental note that your partner is a w**n** if he forgets the changing matt again. You shout for the third time “Can you get the bottles they are in the kitchen?”
You do all this by stuffing a hob nob in your gob and a sip of your Luke warm tea on the way to the car.
8. You’re in the car hurrah! F***, your darling partner has just said he thought you said you were getting the bottles.
Yes you’re in the car and you’re little angel is fast asleep. It’s only 30 minutes in when you’ve past the only service station on the journey does your partner asked if you picked up the bottles.
9. You arrive at the wedding, you feel slightly smug as your child is the best dressed there and no sign of vomit (yet)
You fall out the car, pushed by all the stuff you brought and your baby is fast asleep. You see all the other children arriving and do a little victory dance, your child is the cutest and obviously the best dressed.
10. You sit down to enjoy the wedding and your child’s cries all the way through the ceremony. Ahh lovely.
As soon as the bride starts walking in, as does your baby’s eyes open and her lungs with it.
Congratulations to the bride and groom, now get those parents a drink.
P.s. I would so appreciate it if you nominate me for the newcomer award in the BIBs 2018 Awards – you can nominate here if you so wish and thank you
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